This on is for Megan :)

…because you regularly tell me that you keep up with my blog.. so here you are. :)

Subjects on my mind while studying at Ike’s:

-Me, online
-Projects that I am reminded I’ve started because of the web
-Pals I have because of the web
-Pals I’m reminded I have because of the web
-Pals that don’t need the web to remain my pals
-“Dating” vs. dating
-Physics… it’s missed, dearly
-Me, online

First, me, online. What does that look like? Well, in the last couple of weeks I’ve attempted to consolidate ‘me’ so that all of ‘who I am’ is attached if not all located in one place, and google has helped me do such that, however it’s also helped to propagate multiple me’s at the same time. How many gmail accounts do I have? damn. But for now, I’m happy to know that most of ‘me’ is under the John.patrick.mizell@gmail/jpmizell@gmail name, which are heavily associated, so it works out.
Further, after a lot of examining what of ‘me’ is online, I asked myself, “John, is your online self similar to your actual self? Or perhaps should I ask is your actual self like your online self?” And I still can’t really answer that question clearly because a large part of me is devoted and sunk into online activity, whether it’s in email’s, blogs, pictures, links to letters I’ve written, articles I’ve published, web pages I’ve produced, etc… there is a lot of me there and that’s not to be underestimated, however, do I take on a different character in my online self? Do I manipulate my character, leaving out important pieces of who I am? I suppose so. What those pieces are, I don’t know… I guess it just gives me the ability to have something to talk about when I meet you in ‘real life.’

Second projects that I am reminded I’ve started because of the web. This is primarly due to my blogging as I like to track my activities via blog to help me stay on track and to help remind me what I’ve done on my projects and also to give insight to others on how I’ve worked through a problem. It’s just a trick every time I see that I’ve got so many projects…. unfinished.

Third, pals I have because of the web. Many friends are only able to keep in contact because of the web and that is a great thing that we still stay in contact. Some friends were only rediscovered because of the web and that too is remarkable. Yet, do I neglect many friends because of the ease of maintaining relationships online when it is just as available to keep contact through coffee, lunch, phone calls, letters, or house calls? This is where I fall short in all my relationships – I’ve always had it easy. Keep a few friends and make them the type that last even through months of not talking. But seriously.. I really should try harder. It’s kind of like remembering people’s name, while I can exist without it, it’s just nice to do.

Fourth, pals I’m reminded I have because of the web, like Asa. Sweden is far far away, in fact they don’t even celebrate Fourth of July – CRAZY – and it’s only because of the web that I’m able to remind myself of what time it is there, or to communicate with her in general, while this isn’t a great example because I often think of her without my computer on, it’s a great example because I don’t think I would be as eager to maintain my relationship with her without it. eh? okay, moving on… sorry Megan

Fifth-ly, pals that don’t need the web to remain my pals. Like I said – this is prety much the case for most of my friends I have. It’s not about the maintenance, but about the relationship that we’ve created and the ability to continue it at any instant in time. A phone call sounds like we saw each other just yesterday, and a visit is no different than being roommates. Those are my friends and that is great!

Sixth-er, “Dating” vs. dating… I still don’t quite know where one adds the capitol D… perhaps I never will. In fact a large part of me really hopes I never do, but then again, it would be nice to function in a semi-socially-appropriate way… some day. In the mean time, it’s great to see how fast word travels and it makes me laugh.

Seventh, physics… it’s missed, dearly. What am I to do about this. The compelling challenge, the immediate and ultimate application, the simple superiority of physics in the world. Some would say it’s Economics, others Chemistry, others Love… for me it’s physics/math/(and love). So now that I’m not in that challenge, now that I don’t have that identity to spring board off of during my worst days (which were usually caused by physics… hmm), now that there is no academic argument to justify my existence in school for the last hum-de-dum-odd-years, now that I feel like one more jack-ass in the flow of social academic herding…. it’s sucks the life out of me. And I ask myself, would I rather fail out of school with years and years of uncompleted, ‘unaccomplished,’ ‘wasted’ courses, or to move on with a bag full of generic, unenthusiastic, and passionless credentials simply to exist at the next level of life as the same. … well, I suppose for now I’ll have to take the later. But there’s still that hope in my life that there exists something worth fighting for, building, loving… it’s there. This isn’t all for not. … …. …. Right?

So I return to where I started with “Me,” online. Who is that? At the end of a page like this, it would seem that ‘I’ am much more representative online that I would be after several years of knowing me, but then, if that’s not me after knowing me for several years, then this really me? or some weird manifestation of what I want to be? A reflection of where I want to be, or where I’ve never been, where I’m waiting to be but will never arrive, or the me which is represented by ‘me’ is just Me and that’s all there is to it, no separation. Just take me and if you want more, add some of ‘me’ and if that really doesn’t satisfy you, well…. call up one of my brothers and I’m sure you’ll see some piece of me in them that you’ve never seen in me, wrap the whole thing up, tie it with a bow, and call it John.

Hope you enjoyed this go around Miss-Meg.